Life is just so damn full of surprises! I suppose I should always expect the unexpected, but dammit, all of life's challenges seem to fall in my lap every time I diet. For a while, I felt that it was just me and my bad luck that I've faced more than my fair share of tough times while trying to diet. Perhaps it's just coincidence or maybe, because I spend more than half the year dieting, it's merely 'life' happening before my very eyes. It sure feels like a test though...a huge test of my strength and dedication. I suppose shit happens all the time, but more so during the particular period of time when I'm dieting or maybe it just seems that way. Given my calorie depleted state of mind and my rigid prep schedule, my patience and tolerance for interuptions/occurences/incidents is particularly low.

I know I'm not the first competitor to face hardships/adversity during contest prep. At one point or another, each of us has had to rise above our own personal turmoil to press onward to a show. I guess there are really only two choices, move forward or give up. For me personally, I know that either one is difficult.
Pressing forward can make you feel guilty and selfish while giving up can make you feel even worse. My point is that in this sport,I know I need to be selfish to be successful.....during my prep I need to make myself a priority instead of dropping everything and running each time a family member or friend needs me.

We've all suffered through a loss of a loved one, an illness, family issues or some form of challenge. In my family, food has always been a source of comfort in both celebration and during hardship so, when 'shit hits the fan' all I really wanna do is EAT!!! Having said that, you can obviously understand why dieting can be so difficult when things aren't going smoothly. I have always had the strength/dedication to stick to my diet, but I'm miserable when I can't eat normal food during tough times.

Ah..there is that 'food' thing again....maybe I need some damn food therapy...LOL!

Having the strength to persevere through the tough times is what separates those who succeed from those who don't.



The journey to the competitive stage is never an easy road to travel, but arriving there despite every hurdle or road block on the way makes it that much more rewarding.

The weekend is almost upon us once again.....thank goodness! I could really use a day off :) This weekend is actually a long weekend for us.

Last weekend was an absolute blast! As I had mentioned in my previous update, I got together with a bunch of friends for a b'day party. Of course, I volunteered to make the b'day cakes for the two friends celebrating.....and although it was a belated celebration for both, we had a ton of fun. We had dinner at a restaurant called the Smoke n' Bones cookshack. I won't venture off on a tyrade regarding the 45 minutes we sat in the lounge waiting to be seated for our reservation nor will I elaborate on the 'ditzy' waitress who forgot part of my order, but I will mention that the food was decent. Regardless, that will be my first and last trip to that particular restaurant. After dinner, it was time for dessert. I made a 'strawberry, fudge brownie cheesecake' and a 'choclate chip cookie dough cheesecake'.....and decadent they were...LOL! WOW! They were so rich!

And yes, they were very time consuming to make, but they were worth it!
I'm in my 'element' when I'm in the kitchen cooking. I swear it was something I was born to do and I really enjoy it. I tend to bake the most when I'm dieting.....while I lose weight, everyone around me tends to gain some. What fun would it be to bake if I didn't share it???? I do have some recipes in mind for my next day off, but somehow, I know I'll find a way to bake more than I had planned.'Food' seems to be making its way in to my journal more regularly....I'm not so sure that's a good thing....I may just seem a wee bit obsessed :)

As for sharing food/desserts......a few of my closest friends are always happy to consume anything I create! They've probably eaten more than they care to admit.


The outcome of the NY Pro was interesting! I was so pleased to see that Cathy L had won, she looked great!

As of Saturday, I've got 3 weeks left before I hit the stage to guest pose!!! My music is finished, my costume is ready and now, I just need to ride out the remaining days until it takes place.

On that note..I should get some sleep.

Our first competition of the season was incredible!!! The number of athletes competing at this event was mind boggling and considering it was a novice level competition, the calibre of athletes was impressive. It's apparent that many new competitors are doing their homework before hitting the stage for the first time.

It's already Wednesday, which means the NY Pro is only 3 days away!!!! I'll be on the edge of my seat, eagerly awaiting pics from pre-judging and the results. The competition should be fierce. The number of women competing in one class and the diversity in physique types should make the outcome quite interesting. I could make some predictions, but the placings will depend on 'who brings what' to the stage. I wish I could be there to see the show.

So far, my prep for my guest posing appearance is going very well...only 4 1/2 weeks to go. Now I just need to get my costume fully assembled! I recall being very nervous about guest posing the first time I did it, but this time around, I'm much more excited than nervous. I still don't have a copy of the poster for the event, but as soon as I have one, I'll post it.

In other news, my new glasses (yes,I wear them to read and drive) have arrived!! I'll be picking them up later today....I'll be sure to get a pic with them on soon enough. Also, with the small amount of spare time I've had lately, I have managed to get some baking done....my neighbor and I got together once again to make cinamon buns....mmmmm...I'm not sure there is anything better than warm, gooey dough fresh from the oven.

This upcoming weekend, a bunch of us are getting together for a belated b'day celebration for one of my friends. Of course, I'm in charge of making the birthday cake...as of now, I'm unsure as to what kind of crazy cake concoction I'll create, but I'll come up with something, I'm sure of it. The one thing I can guarantee is that it will be VERY rich! I'll have some pics for my next update :)


Enjoy the rest of your week!

quick update....

ya know, as I sit here at 10pm writing this journal entry, I'm also hovered over a bowl of this egg white custard type concoction I make when I diet.....aka Meal 6 for the day. If I weren't dieting right now, I couldn't even begin to imagine what I may possibly be consuming at this hour...either way, due to hunger and desperation, I will tell ya that this custard is amazing. If you were to ask me about it during my offseason, I'd probably damn near retch at the thought of it, but as I diet it becomes the highlight of each day. Correction, the highlight of any day in my life is when I have time to hang out in my kitchen and bake, but the egg white custard runs a close second. And speaking of baking, I have cooked up some pretty crazy stuff recently. Of course, I've given almost all of it away though. I may single handedly be responsible for everyone I know gaining weight while I diet...scary, huh?

The NY Pro is only a week and a half away....wow!...time REALLY does pass by quickly. I'm curious about the outcome of this event considering the number of women combined in the one class. I do have some predictions, but I'll keep them to myself....we'll see what happens on May 9-10. I have some bitter-sweet feelings regarding this event because I really wanted to compete there, but I also know that backing out was probably for the best. My time will come, I just need to be patient. Until then, I'm focussing on my guest posing appearance that is creeping up on me very quickly.

I'm headed out of town this weekend to judge our first bodybuilding show of the season and I'm really looking forward to it :)I'm not sure if I'll have time to get some pics while I'm there, but I will try.

gotta run...

Life is good! After a quick trip out of town to deal with some personal matters, I'm back and I feel better than ever. Of course, being home means that I'm back to working 7 days/week again, but I'm enjoying the distraction. Keeping busy is enabling me to keep my mind off of the things that bother me most. And when I'm dieting, keeping busy means that I spend less time worrying about what I crave food wise and instead, I just eat what I should. That certainly doesn't stop me from baking treats when I have a few moments of free time though. You see, I start dieting and everyone around me tends to gain weight. I obviously can't eat what I make, but I know that my neighbors, family and friends can so, I give it all away.

I had ordered a new stove which arrived recently....I was pretty excited about it, but I had not anticipated that it wouldn't fit in the spot where my previous stove was. Let's just say that I had to put my carpentry skills to work just to get the darn thing in place. Keeping in mind that I'm NOT a carpenter, I took some initiative instead of asking for help. In order for the stove to fit properly, I had to pull the counter top and cabinets from the wall,shift them over, ensure it was all level again, re-mount them, and re-caulk the counter top.....it was a pretty big undertaking, but I managed to complete it myself :) I was eager to bake something in it so I whipped up a batch of decadent 'peanut butter fudge brownies' and a few other goodies that turned out perfectly. My sister had called and found out I was baking so she came right over. Unlike me, my sister has zero self control....she inhaled several brownies before taking a pan of them home with her. She often asks me how I can keep food like that in my house and not eat it....my answer is simple, I choose not to. Needless to say, I'm thrilled to death with my stove and so is my sister...LOL!

I realize we're already half way through the week, but this past weekend was awesome. I went to an engagement party for some friends of mine...the hosts were amazing, they put on quite a party.
A pic of the Bride, bridesmaid (aka the host) & me

and of course, a pic with my partners in crime.....Macey & Jen

Speaking of engagements, the start of this Spring has been really odd, every time I turn around another 'couple' I know is splitting up, but then again I know several en route to getting married this Summer as well. I swear these things come in waves. The difficult part is that I have so many friends getting married that I have to selectively pick and choose which I'll attend because some are being held on the same day.....and choosing between friends is not an easy task! I'm just hoping I don't hurt anyone's feelings in the process.

I was finally able to get a copy of my pic from the exhibit at ACE Gallery put on by Martin Schoeller. The reviews of his work have been interesting. I was thrilled that he had chosen to use one of my pics.


Aside from that, the UFC is being hosted in Canada this weekend!!! I wish I could have set aside some time to make the trek to see it, but with all of my upcoming travel plans, I really can't take any more time off. Oh well, I'll enjoy it from home on PPV like many other people.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

What a fantastic week! Aside from my 'day to day' shit that is going very smoothly, my strength is back with a vengeance! I had some pretty amazing workouts this week. Once again, I'm rejuvenated and so excited to train!!! It's simply amazing how stress can affect every aspect of your life. Now that there seems to be an incredible calm after the storm, I've forced myself to shift my focus toward things that are important to me.

My sister recently moved back to the city. She also rejoined the gym where I train....she used to train there with me years ago so, I'm sure it'll be like old times. My sis and I are quite close, it's so nice to live in the same city with her again....we get to do 'normal' things together and just hang out like sister's often do.

The last while, I had really let the little and not so important things slide. When I say little things, I'm referring to painting my toe nails, and the not so important things are more along the lines of 'dusting' and other domestic crap.
I'm a toe nail polish fanatic! I actually take great care of my feet, I figure that feet are ugly to begin with so, a little effort will go a long way. My sis and I are planning to go for pedicures this week :) As for the domestic crap, I'm certainly not obsessive about cleanliness around home, I just prefer that my house is spotless at all times. I'd never lose sleep if the dishes weren't done before I went to bed though. My family and friends often drop by with only a moments notice so, I prefer to be prepared at all times. I'd be truly embarrassed if someone just happened to pop by and my house was a total disaster.....I can thank my mother for that one, that's how I was raised...LOL!

Our 2008 contest season here in BC kicks off 4 weeks from now. I have actually been invited to guest pose at one of the Novice level shows this year. Of course, I'm going to do it...and I'm pretty darn excited about it too! It serves as motivation to get my arse in gear, get in to shape and have some fun. I'll be judging this show during the day and guest posing at night...it should be interesting.



I'll have more info about the local news story soon. I'm meeting with a reporter for an interview this week...it sounds like they're planning to get some footage of me training now too...fun, fun, fun! Thankfully, I do not have issues with training infront of a camera :) I'm not easily distracted when I'm in the gym, I'm there for one reason and one reason only and that's to train, nothing else. Fortunately, my ipod, which I use religiously, filters out the surrounding noise of 'clanging' plates, chit chat and other possible distractions.

until next week.....

a few pics from the Mexican/St. Patty's day get together.

Jen & moi


the girls


prepping food alongside one of my oldest and dearest side-kicks....

things are finally on the upswing!!!

If you've been keeping up with my journal then you'll know that things around here have been pretty eventful....and not all that pleasant. I've done everything within my power to alleviate the issues I was faced with and I've also come to terms with the fact that some things just can not be fixed. Ah hell, what can you do.....
Time seems to heal everything and everyone....it works in mysterious ways.

Prior to my brief holiday, I hosted a small 'get-together' with some of my closest friends. We had such a blast! It was a very welcome distraction. The theme was Mexican combined with some early St. Patty's day cheer....we made green(lime) Margarita's for the occassion. I seldom drink, but let me tell ya, I haven't slept that well in months. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or exhaustion or a combo of both. Either way, I slept like a baby.

My trip in to the mountains was amazing. It was probably the most NEEDED holiday I have ever taken. Easter with my family was great as always. The only disappointment I had during my trip was my inability to locate and devour a few Hershey's marshmallow filled, chocolate, Easter eggs. I absolutely love them, but I couldn't find them anywhere. I settled for Cadbury's cream filled eggs instead. I arrived home in a much better frame of mind than when I left. The lengthy drive to and from my destination gave me time to think and reflect on the recent turn of events in my life. Of course, the drive itself was very scenic and comfortable. I know I'm repeating myself, but I love my new car!!! The 2007 I had was great however, the 2008 is much, much better.
Check it out - >

Upon my arrival home, I received a 'reminder email' telling me the deadline for entry to the New York Pro is Friday. I know I won't be stepping on stage, but I am still considering flying out to see the show. And speaking of deadlines, the Europa is 20 weeks away as of this upcoming Saturday!!!
Now that I'm finally feeling healthy again, I'm hoping to pull myself together and start my prep for this show. I'm back in the gym and feeling better than ever! I'll keep you posted on my decision and progress.

Great news! I'm in the April issue of Muscle Mag! Also, Martin Schoeller's exhibit featuring female bodybuilders at ACE Gallery in Beverly Hills opened earlier this month. Of all the women he has photographed over the years for this project, my pic was one of the sixty chosen to be featured! He will be releasing a hardcover book with the pics as he did with his previous project called 'Close Up'. I can't wait to receive a copy :) Also, I was recently contacted by a local TV station...they want to do a story on me!!! I'm so excited! I'm not sure exactly what it will entail, but a little recognition is cool :)

I had some spare time today so, I went out in search of my favorite Easter treats. My first stop was a grocery store about two blocks from here. I couldn't believe my luck, I hit the jackpot....Marshmallow filled chocolates!!!!....mmmmm...
I bought enough of them to satisfy my craving until next year!

Enjoy the rest of your week!